LOVE CONQUERS ALL.
so, today was….incredible.
i was having the worst week: my boyfriend unexpectantly broke up with me sunday night, my schedule was all fucked up at school, i was having so much trouble catching up in all my classes because i was sick all last week.
today i got my schedule fixed, after going to guidance two periods a day, every day, looking through files and computers and emailing teachers and calling my mom and getting permssion and all this shit, i FINALLY dropped chemistry, added humanities, and all i had to change was my gym class. now, i’m in humnaities with my friend and a teacher that i like, i have a free 4th which means i can eat with faith, victoria, jon and a free 6th which means i can still chill with tony, paige and kloud, and gym with lauren. :)
and, adam said we would talk today. i was excvited all day to finally get some alone time to talk things out and figure out if we would stayy friends, get back together, or if i could just get closure and move on.
i was seriously, stunned and fucking pissed when the end of the day came. adam had invited tony and paige to come over his house with us, and paige couldn’t come, and then tony brought his “girlfriend” and this random kid griffin came, and it was all of a sudden like a weed party at adams. eeryone wanted to smoke. adam was breaking my heart all over because he was showing me nothing had changed.
i wanted to go home. i wanted to fucking scream at im. i wanted to punch him in the face. i wanted to rip up the list of all the things i wrote that i would do to make the relationship better. but i also wanted to show him i could forgive him. i could put up with him. i would give him a chance, i could be rational about what makes me angry. it turns out he wanted me and him and paige and tony to hang out togetherjust so it wasnt so much pressure. and then he planeed that we’d talk later and go out to dinner.
anyway , i cried on the bus, next to him. i kept saying nothing changed, yuo just keep hurting me, you dont even care, this was so important to me. he started getting sad, and got that face he gets when he doesnt know what to do.
griffin was so funny. tony is too, and the girl he was with was just there. adam went upstairs with me, leaving the guests outside. we talked, and yelled, and cried and he said all the things i needed to hear. i cried and cried, and he wiped the tears off my face as gently as he could, brushed my nags to the side and tucked them behind my ear and pulled me in for a kiss. he said how much he loved me, how much he needed me, and asked me out again, but i told him to ask me later, i wanted it to be more romantic. i felt everything rushing back to me all at once, all the good things he had done for me, how much he meant to me, how much i loved im. it felt so good- it was euphoria. we kiseed and kissed and kissed, and feeling his body against mine drove me over the edge. he looked so regretful, saying ” i’m, an idiot, breaking up wit hyou was a huge mistake. all i wanted was for us to stop fighting. i love you so much jill. i love you. i missed you. we made love, slow, beautiful, romantic….amazing. we said i love you with every time we moved together, our body heat almost creating electricity. it all felt so good, i felt like i was being carried away into a different world where there was no pain. thats how he makes me feel. our friedns were smoking a bowl in the other room, and when i went in with a huge smile on my face and my hair all messed up, they said “guess you guys made up ” :) it was fun to be around them for ahile, but then it got old. griffin would nottttt go home. adam had asked me if he could smoke and i let him even tho i hate when hes high around me. i needed sex again, i neeeded alone time with him, i needed to talk to him, i was getting anxious and i could feel myself about to yell at him. i did. we fought, but it was good…i got a lot out. we had sex again, but i started crying in the middle of it, and i couldnt do it anymore. i just felt all the hurt coming back, remmembering that he broke my heart, and i put my clothes on and cried. he got scared, he tried to comfort me but i pushed him away. i gave him my letter and he went outside. when i came out to check on him, he had his head down. when i went to give him a hug, he was crying. he pointed out the things in the letter that made him break down, he told me my idea about 2 date nights and where to go was the sweetest thing ever…he said he made a huge mistake. he hung his head low, saying over and over “i’m so sorry for hurting you, im a terrible person, i’m a shitty excuse for a boyfriend. you do so much for me and i dont deserve you.” i told him he has a chance to make it all up to me, we have a chance to make this work. we walked home, and we snuggled together, wispering how good it felt to be in each other’s arms, to be back together and in love. we talked about what he would do to make the realtionship better, and he is making alist of things to give to me. we didn’t discuss specifics, because i wanted to give him a while to process everything, i didnt need to know THIS INSTANT what night would be date night or whatver. i wanted us to enjoy our time together and we could talk about it more as the time goes on. i really think that this will work out, i love him so very much, and i am the happiest girl alive to be back with him. 1 year, 3 months and still going. i think we just needed an eye opener and time to miss each other. i love you adam <3
2 years ago • Notes